Everything is messed up straight from the heart

FYI: The title above is a clean version of "Everything is F'ed up" (if u get it lol).

LYRICS:

I'm having the day from hell,
it was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream

'cause baby

[chorus:]
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
'cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to to stop temptation to scream

'cause baby

[chorus]

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
'cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

[chorus x2]

Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up

Ok, enough with the moody background (which I've changed) and those crappy sad songs. "Gotta pick myself up, where do I start"...it's time for a change. I've removed that person from my friends list, so let's start a new chapter..

TAG (no. 2)

Tagged by ILLEYH! XD

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
- *blur* muka bru bgn tido ==.==

2. How much cash do you have on you?
- secret lor..

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
- floor

4. Favorite planet?
- Saturn coz it gots pretty rings around~

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
- Papa TT.TT

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
- any k-pop. now it's GD&TOP :D


7. What shirt are you wearing?
- i'm wearing my sleeping attire lol


8. Do you "label" yourself?
- not really. but I have to it'll be "quiet, naive and weird"



9. Have you ever pictured your crush naked?
- does topless count? LOL (ya Allah, eza! bertaubat skit!! >_<||)


10. Bright or Dark Room?
- Bright...otherwise I'd fall asleep easily

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
- she's a freak LOL. jk~ she's cute and such a darlin~ but can be quite stubborn.. BABE! I MISS U!! TT.TT

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
- sleeping. my gastric was acting up again..


14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
- Mama, "OK".... ==_==||


15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
- there ain't no 24-hour shops here kiddo (unless u count the pakistani shop..)


16. What's a word that you say a lot?
- ngek


17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
- mama~~ <3>


18. Last furry thing you touched?
- Fatin Amira's hippo


19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
- if ur talkin abt medicine..probably 4


20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
- dude. it's the 21st century already..


21. Favorite age you have been so far?
- back when i was 13 (coz everything was new and my creativeness in writing was sky-rocketing) and 19 (new great friends and great housemates!) :D

22. Your worst enemy?
- the demons inside me..


23. What is your current desktop picture?
- an art by Nanami Yuki (deviantArt). A girl in an old japanese town street on a rainy day, with an umbrella in her hand and a dog/cat beside her.


24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
- "OK" to Fatin Amira


25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
- FLY!! so I can travel easily as well as go home when i feel like it (in other words, it saves my money ;D)

26. Do you like someone?
- ben barnes~ <3>


27.The last song you listened to?
- Bennie K - Okay

A message to myself..a reminder..

Girls' Day - Nothing Lasts Forever (Eng/Rom/Hangul) + performance

..This says everything. Nothing lasts forever..

PS: This is WAAYYY better than their debut song! I love how vocally talented they are :D

...If I were the girl who sings the most at the end I probably would have faint ==.==||

Maybe you do not like something, and that's good for you...

"If u love someone, let it go.. If it comes back to u, it's yours forever.. If it doesn't, then it was never yours!"... Credits to Tira for the sweet post :).

Honestly...I don't know what to feel right now. Should I feel free for not being committed anymore? Or should I feel weak..like a stray cat which was once under good care, but had to be let go? I know...everything happens for a reason. It's just like one of the sentences in Al-Qur'an (credits to Kak Fifi for showing me this~)

"..Tetapi boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" (2:216)

".. But maybe you do not like something, and that's good for you, and may be you like something, but it is not good for you. Allah knows, and ye know not" (2:216)

The english one, I got it from Google Translate XD. Masha'Allah...for once I want to cry for this beautiful piece of 'poetry' of His 'love letter'... Yet, perhaps I am as heartless as I can be right now. So heartless that I couldn't even shed a tear for Him...? Ya Allah...please help me. Please guide me through this test you have given me. Please protect me from anymore future events like this... I don't want this anymore, not while I'm still studying, not while I'm still naive and innocent, and not while I am still under my parents' guidance and protection...

Although it's only been one week, it was a very nice - brief, but decent week so far... Truly I have never met a guy like him. One who loves to socialize, praise himself (aka egoistic), but at the same time has both his feet on the ground and still remembers Allah.... Yet, if it's true he still remembers Allah, why did he ask me...? Ya Allah...if I really do love You, the One and Only, why did I accept his offer?? Why couldn't I reject someone for once?!

Oh my Lord...help me realize what is truly best for me. For now I could not differentiate what is good and what is bad... I need to wake up and realize my parents' dreams - MY dreams as well...... Still....

TAG

This one's from Tira aka Kak Long yg tersayang~~ thank u my sweet chocolate! ;D

1. Apa benda paling penting dalam hidup korang?

for sure my family...after them, my frenz. n after them ...... :D

2. Benda terakhir korang beli guna duit sendiri?

Body Shop....PERGH! first time splurge abis XD (eh tp ada diskaun! so kire saving gak :P)

3. Dimana tempat korang nak melangsungkan perkahwinan korang dan tema perkahwinan korang nanti?

ooh la la~~...hm, x terpikir lg. kalau blh nak buat kat masjid je, tp org tu nak buat kat hotel soooooo kene buat la grand skit on our side XD. i've seen my bro's wedding pics n absolutely love the dewan kat UPM tu!! yg tema tu i just leave it to my sis (the usual wedding/party planner), tp kalau blh nak keep it simple but sweet :)

4. Adakah korang sedang bercinta sekarang?

ahaha...bru permulaan kot :P

5. Berapa lama korang akan mencintai kekasih korang?

insyaAllah sampai mati atau eternity sampai ke syurga :)

6. Dimana korang selalu jumpa kekasih korang?

hm..byk terserempak ada la XD. dlm uni atau kat town

7. Novel/buku/majalah terakhir korang beli?

three to be exact: one is about mathematics (forgot the title), Shadowmagic (very brief but interesting fantasy story), n Mr. Good Enough (I love this book!! It's about telling single women especially the, er, old ones, to stop looking for Mr. Perfect n instead stick with the Mr. Good Enough :D)

8. Apakah nama penuh korang?

Ezanin Johanna Binti Elias

9. Antara mak dengan ayah korang, yang mana korang lagi mesra?

Mama~~ she's basically like our best friend. The first person to tell our good news, the first person to go to when we're in trouble - she's just everything to us, our supermom :)

10. Namakan orang yang betul2 nak jumpa dalam hidup?

my family...huaaaaaa :(

11. Adakah korang basuh baju sendiri?

ya. masuk laundry sudeyh (xde baldi kot jual kat sini...kalau ada pon jauh n malu nak bwk dlm bas --.--||)

12. Di mana tempat yang korang betul2 nak pergi?

anywhere with family~ i've been to Makkah, alhamdulillah..so when the right time comes i want to go to Hajj :)

13. Pilih salah satu, peluk atau cium?

Hug usually. But with the right people i'll kiss (on their cheeks la)

14. Beritahu 3 perkara tentang orang yang tag korang?

Atira,

i. so so kind

ii. so so ayu n pretty~

iii. and so so byk mulut!! lol I love u darling~ ;)

15. 5 benda yang korang sayang dalam hidup korang?

banyak! 5 je eh?

i. family family FAMILY!! they're always gonna be the first~

ii. my frenz frm high school n uitm...i srsly miss my sem 1 roommates :(

iii. my laptop

iv. handphone..it's a must!

v. somewhere~ over the rainbow~~ lol ada laa~~~

16. 5 lagu korang suka dan selalu dengar?

banyaaaak sgt weih...tp yg latest ones:

i. Bbiribbom Bberibbom by Co-Ed

ii. Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison (i love this duo!)

iii. 2NE1~ SEMUA lagu dorg! :D

iv. I'll Be Back by 2PM

v. Brandon Hines - hasn't officially debut yet, so he's considered an indie R&B singer for now

17. Bila Tarikh lahir korang dan korang sambut birthday kat mana tahun lepas?

27th August 1991.. omg, i remember my housemates surprised me with the birthday song and a cake...i almost cried but i didn't lol Still it was really touching...I miss those days :( (oh, and I remember sha n kira putting cake cream on my face lol Thanx A LOT guys)

18. 7 orang blogger korang nak tag?

i. Sha al-Idrus

ii. Ili Liyana

iii. Ezliani Johanna

iv. Afiqah Amirullah

v. Mohd. ar-Rauf

vi. Ulfah Nafis

vii. Aiman Toreq

19. Cerita sikit pasal blogger pertama korang tag?

sharifah..be strong ok. I know ur stronger than u think, and I know ur more worth it to get a great guy. Allah Maha Mengetahui...kalau Sha buat baik, dpt jaga diri elok2, insyaAllah Sha akan jumpa jodoh yg dpt jaga Sha sebaik2 mungkin (kalau x aku sepak teranjang jantan tu!! :P) I love u so so much my baby sister~~

PS: sorry la ek kalau ada nama sesape yg spelling n tatabahasa yg agak fail :P. TAG TAG!!

events~

I wanted to publish a new post last week, but i kept delaying it because i have weird illnesses... Gastric, low blood, n there's one little lump at the back of my neck (which probably explains y i keep getting headaches..). Anyways, let's just continue with wat i'm gonna write last week!!

25th August...It's not my birthday, but it's definitely the date that I'll make sure to remember for the rest of my life! :D

I went to Kolej Alamanda to break fast with my college friends at one of the warungs (which is just outside of the college). I didn't think many would turn up - but there were. Shockingly O_o. But even with the long table outside, it was still packed. Even some of them had to be separated from us and eat inside.. I'm really sorry guys TT_TT.

The original plan was to break fast in Mid Valley this week, but none of them are free on other days except Friday. But on that day, I'm gonna have dinner with my family..which is for my birthday. They originally planned to make a farewell party on that day... TT.TT

Well, ok, at first I asked my mom about it whether we can change the dinner to an earlier date, and she said it was ok for her. But then my bro won't be free on Thursday. And I thought that it won't be fun if we leave him out of it, so I told them let's just continue with the plan.. After that, my friends and I were almost in a dilemma on how to decide the date. Then Emma told me that we should just break fast at one of the warungs..so we went with that instead. But I really wanted to go to Mid Valley with them...

Anyways, here are the presents that they gave me~

Blanket given by my 'sisters'~ thank u so so much girls! I'll definitely use this on cold days :D

Syimir gave me this~ hehe. He thinks this one's cute (but i think it's ugly XD). Still, it's sweet of him to give me this. Thanks~ (it's even sweeter with his perfume on it lol)

Farisha gave me some chocolates for me to eat on the plane. Hehe, very considerate of her~ Plus, Mu'i, Ja'ar and Azraii gave me duit raya. So cute~ X3 I love u people!! I almost cried..no, really. I did. Especially after I saw Atira's tears welling up in her eyes. I'm like, "Oh, s**t. Please don't cry!!" Then when I was about to get ready, Shiqin shouted to me, "Don't cry! Otherwise I'll cry too!!" Um...ok, nice advice? XD jk~

Seriously though, I mean... there will be at times when you feel like you don't belong here. But then at times like this, you'll wonder - what did I do to deserve all of this love?? I mean, I don't think I contributed much to them. I pulled out of JPK, I don't talk much, and I'm not smart n skilled enough to teach them the subjects that they don't know... So, yeah...it really makes u wonder... But I'm really, really glad to have great friends like them. Again, I love you guys very much!! <3 <3

And yes...I finally let go of my grudge. If I hadn't even glance at him I wouldn't even realize he had wave at me. Like, seriously dude. You have a voice...at least shout "Bye" or "Good luck" or something.. ==___==|| Well, I waved back anyways... When I think about it, it's somewhat stupid of me to get myself in this mess in the first place...

Hehe. But then something weird (but expected) happened on my birthday... Gastric AND low blood pressure ==__==||. Way to start my day... I guess that explains why I keep feeling light-headed + headache this whole time... Anyways, yeah. So the doctor said I couldn't fast n when we got home, my mom straight away toasted some bread n made milo for me (even though it was afternoon. but there was nothing for me to eat except the stuffs you would eat for breakfast..) She already suspected that I got low blood like a loooonnngg time ago - I just didn't want to accept that fact XD. NOW I can say I have low blood... *sigh* why is this happening to me..?

Well, illnesses aside.. We went to Tony Roma's for my birthday dinner~ And yes, my mom forced me to eat a lot on that night (which I did but...it turned out it's actually not good for low-blood people), so I was freaking full.. Thank God we went walking after that. Ezhan and Kakak gave me a trench coat as a present (which I always wanted since..I played a fashion game lol)...actually, more like Kakak recommended Ezhan to buy that one. But he didn't know what a trench coat was - thank God his fiancee was with him XD. He told me to wear it just in case it fits or not. When we got to the store - luckily my parents were experienced with winter clothing.. turns out the size he bought was a size smaller. So we exchanged with a bigger size n walla!

Hee~ thank u guys! :D

So ya, I guess that's about it... omo, last Saturday there was a breaking fast with the whole family at my house. It's not as hyped or loud as it used to be, but it was still fun - especially when we get to see the babies' stunts and all. Aww...cute little munchkins!! X3 But, to my horror...Mama called everyone to sing me n Eli happy birthday. Thank God most of the men and some women went for Terawih at that time... So yeah, move along! XD Oh, and I finally got on my piano for God knows why... Still, it was a great feeling again. Some of my cousins were impressed I could play some of the Playhouse Disney's songs, ie Dibo dibo ding, Little Einsteins n so on~ (yes. I watch Playhouse Disney with my niece n nephew. Got problem with that?!) But...meh. They're just simple melodies. If you're asking me to play a Chopin piece or Alicia Keys song, then I'll definitely flunk out XD.

For toda-ay~ I just got back from Kedah, just to see Mak Tok one last time before departing.. Hm...I wonder why my mind's still not registered that I'm gonna go to UK. lol For God's sake, woman! You're going to UK in another 2 weeks!!!

Over and out...

Oh to the Em to the Gee...

http://elijojo8989.blogspot.com/2010/08/dont-talk-with-strangerseven-through.html

Again, I'm referring to a blog post from my sister, who published just a few minutes ago.. If haven't read her post, then DO IT! Otherwise you probably won't understand what I'm talking about here.

Okay, seriously, these girls (especially the young ones) are so easily manipulated and very.. VERY dense. How can they trust these guys when they have only met online?? Sure they're very smooth with sweet words, but it's just that - they're just WORDS. And these guys buy them drinks and stuffs that these girls want?? Then let me ask them this - why don't you ask your boyfriends to buy you a BUNGALOW HOUSE??? Or even better - a FERRARI sports car?!

Some people defend these girls, saying, "Oh, they're still young. They don't know which is right and which is wrong. They're going through the phase of puberty." Then they start blaming the parents for not giving good education.. For me though, let's be straightforward...

THESE GIRLS ARE IDIOTS!!! They can't think for themselves???? What are they - PRE-SCHOOL STUDENTS??!! For God's sake people, they're old enough to think! They have BRAINS!! It's because they have gone through puberty they can use their brains PROPERLY!! If you're saying that these girls are too young to understand, then what about the other girls at their age, who are not following the same footsteps?? Are you saying that these girls have NO BRAINS too?!

What the hell - I've been going through that phase too. It didn't took me long to realize that I shouldn't talk to strangers. It didn't took me long to realize that just because I befriended many chatters online, that doesn't mean I want to meet them in person. It didn't took me long to realize that I shouldn't give my phone number to a stranger I don't even know or recognize. And what age did I realize all of those? At the age of 13-15...and these girls are like, what - 16 year olds?! Even a 19-year-old can't even THINK for herself?!

Excuse me, but maybe the main reason for this is probably because she has a dysfunctional family etc. etc. Like HELLO! There's no such thing as perfect family! "Oh, she has family problems. That explains why. It's the parents that should be blamed." PLEASE LA! It's because she has a dysfunctional family that she should be able to THINK, that she should be able to MATURE.

Just so you know, most of these idiot, good-for-nothing girls are Malays. MALAYS for God's sake! You think I'm proud of that?! Have you ever heard any other races like the Chinese or Indian doing the same thing?? NO! It's the Malays that do these! And they are Muslims... MUSLIM!! For God's sake, girls... If you have no one else to go to, go to GOD! And what I really mean here is, PRAY! Pray to God to lead you to a righteous path. Pray to God to shield you from harm. Pray to God to give you a strong heart... Is it so freakin' hard to pray and ask God for a way?? And that is our job as a human being - pray and ask God for help!

And another thing...some people also blame that these girls have been on the computer for way too long or too frequently. Well guess what - ME TOO! I'm also on the computer 24/7, but am I meeting someone I shouldn't meet? NO! Definitely not! What's the use of getting an education in school, let alone an Islamic education[in which the ustaz(ah) would always say, "Don't do this, don't do that. Don't follow ur desires. Don't go against ur parents."], if we're not gonna use it well in our daily lives?? Heck, even my mom was worried that my sis and I would turn out like them - but are we? NO! Why? Because we can THINK for ourselves!

It's the Ramadhan night, and I know I shouldn't be b****ing about here. But I really can't stand it. Maybe we're near to the end of the world. Or maybe these girls really have no brains. Right. I'm gonna stop now. Over and out..

Of baby-sitting, induction, and visa

Saturday

At the house we were left with Ashaz. Even though I didn't have to help my mom cooking/making Malay desserts n such, I was still left damn tired just by carrying this little rascal ==_==||. His mouth is still not talking, but his hands and his feet just won't stop moving... Even while we carry him he'll try to climb up more! Haiya... But a baby is a baby, and is cute. So I is love him XD.

That evening we finally went to my sister's new house in Shah Alam, where we helped her with the preparations for the doa selamat at that night (a house-warming as well). After the whole thing finished, our maid, Kak Tum and I went to Aunt Mas' house to stay overnight there. Kak Tum wanted to go out with their maid, Kak Su on Sunday, whereas I wanted to attend the induction on that day as well. You know, just to spend time with my friends...probably for the last time.

Sunday

I woke up at 7.30, realizing that my friends involved with the induction were already at INTEC. So I arrived late and missed the opening speech. I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction because none of my friends brought the yellow jersey for me (which is supposed to be worn by the sophomores)...well, it was my fault that I didn't tell them earlier. So I wore a black t-shirt...turned out that the juniors also wore the same thing. So I looked like a junior myself lol. I thought I'd be really embarassed with all the others asking, "Why aren't you wearing the jersey?" But I guess I didn't care at that time, because all I thought about was trying to have a good time with my friends.

Although I was really looking forward to spend time with them, it turns out that most of my housemates are busy with their own jobs ie some became facilitators, some were taking care of the checkpoints, and a few others didn't come. Thank God Nazirah, Amoy, Yani and Hathira were with me...otherwise I'd be bored to hell! Actually, I spent a lot of time with Nazirah for God knows why. Maybe because we were in separate classes this sem and couldn't talk much, so it's like our revenge for that time.

So yeah. Again, I disappeared in the middle of their post-mortem, because Aunt Mas and the family were already waiting for me in their car. So I just told one of my roommates to send my regards to the others. Though, I wish I could've at least took a photo with them...

After that, I followed Aunt Mas and the others to Shah Alam Mall. Alif (aka ADAM) and Nanith wanted to change their mp3s...or whatever they wanna do over there. We went to Giant to get something for Alif before he went back to Segamat and ate at Pizza Hut. I have to admit...I'm a really slow eater, especially among my family >_<||. But if I eat too fast, my chest would hurt and I'd feel like I'm suffocating. *sigh* I guess I am a black sheep in my family.. (dah la anak accident. anak paling pelik plak tu --_--||). When we got back, Aunt Mas was thinking of letting me and Kak Tum stay there for another night. But it turned out I really can't -- Papa already made an appointment with Fiona to collect our documents and go make our visas straight away.
Monday

Woke up quite early, if I do say so myself XD. We reached the InterStudy's office first to check, sign and collect our necessary documents. Honestly, I'm really grateful we applied through this agency, because when we reached the UK visa application counters, many of the hopeful students weren't really prepared with the necessary documents and such. So my sis and I were relaxed compared to the others....yet so bored. Because we had to wait for like less than 10 people until it was our turn. And for every person's turn, it felt like it lasted for eternity! (Like I said, most of them weren't prepared) but by the time it was our turn, it was only a few minutes and all that was left was taking a picture.

Picture...dang. I'd understand if they ask me to put my thumbs on the scanner, or maybe one hand but...four fingers (right hand first, then the second), then both of the thumbs?? and before the officer told me to do that, she told me to look up at the cctv-like camera for 5 seconds... This is waayyy freaky... But my mom said those who are doing the US visa must have a more hard time than us because, well, you know why. With all the prejudice and racism, plus with their intolerance to muslims. Dang. After that...weird...visa application, we went to Sogo, had lunch, and bought some clothes.

Tuesday

Today, we went to my sister's house again. Apparently she had to go to the office in the afternoon and she asked us to look after her kids. We did but, I think we just slept most of the times with them XD. We were freaking tired with all the travelling on the road from morning 'till evening. So yeah, that's just about it from us.


PS: Oh, I forgot to mention... I am officially in love with...






















































































SE7EN!!! XD



Below is a live performance from him, featuring T.O.P from Big Bang:



That's all from me for today. Salam Ramadhan and happy fasting~

Surprised, Shocked, Unexpected, etc (Puan K, 2010)

I guess many of friends already know this but - I've been accepted to Brunel University in UK! It's west of London and near to a town called Uxbridge (no, not the one in US). Plus, it's just less than 15 minutes away from Heathrow-London airport :). (Okay, I'm not that good in geography, so if you're confused on where the heck these places are, look in the map aka GOOGLE it). Strangely though, I don't feel the anticipation like I did with Belfast. Why? Because I'm tired of putting my hopes up too high - in other words, Belfast has taken it all away... :'(. Actually I did got an acceptance letter from the Queen's University, but due to the riot that happened in Northern Ireland (which is where Belfast is), it really blew up my chances to go there... No wonder why my brother and his wife gave me hints that they're against me going there... Of course, that's not the only reason why, but that is the main one... So yeah, I just let my parents choose a university for me.

I just realized that Actuarial Science is not for me... I just don't get insurance stuffs --_--||. Thus, the agency that I applied through suggested to my dad to apply for Brunel and recommended Mathematics and Statistics with Management Bsc as my course. I guess Management makes more sense to me...although Ili did point out, "You'll have to read a lot for Management, even more than Insurance." *sigh* I seriously hate reading and memorizing subjects...But, oh well. I've learned bits of the business world back in school, so I'll try taking up the challenge.

feeling low....

i've been down lately...why? don't know...it feels like something is missing...

Last saturday there was a bbq at Ain's house. usually if she does a function, there would be tents and she would invite almost anyone she knows including our former teachers. But this time, I was quite shocked to see how many guests there were. The majority were actually her friends who's studying in Egypt with her. Some took dentistry and others took medicine. Still, I'm a bit shocked as I REALLY don't know them. Thank God Madiha, Adawiyah n Inarah were there. I didn't eat much at first because i had dinner, but...now that i think about it, i think i did eat quite a lot lol. Just slow2 la..

Still, it was really great. I can finally see my school friends after not seeing them for almost a year. It's cute seeing Ain with braces XD. And Nazurah seriously has lost weight! Adawiyah, Inarah and Madiha didn't change (except that Madiha has gone crazier lol). *sigh* I miss the old times. The gossiping, the jokes, the laughing, the crazy stuffs we did back then, and the support we get from each other...i mean, we have been friends since Form 1 or 2. So it's only natural that we're still close... WAHHH!!!! Now i miss school! :'( (of course, I don't miss the homeworks :P)

This Saturday there's supposed to be a reunion (which is actually an alumni meeting) at school, so TK n Fatin will be going. Unfortunately, I won't, because I have to attend a module on that day. So much for timing...and TK is definitely disappointed that I won't come because..well, we tried meeting up together by going to Sunway, but every one of us were always busy. I guess it just wasn't meant to be...

So yeah, like i mentioned earlier, I'm feeling down lately... Part of it might be because I miss them...I just love how simple, laid-back n chilled we were back then. Now everyone is in different paths...The only time that we might even be together again would be after we graduated with a degree.. It's such a looonggg wayy....

Despite that, recently I read a book called 'Mr Good Enough' by Lori Gottlieb. It's about searching for a man who's not a perfect 10, or even a Prince Charming - because there's no such thing as perfect in this world. An 8 would be more than enough. So, in other words, this book is all about how to find a right guy without being too judgemental because - hey, no one's perfect. If you want a guy who looks a Brad Pitt, then don't expect him to have a decent personality. He's probably arrogant and/or selfish, because he might be in love with himself more. I find it very useful but, again, it got me down. Why? Get this....

I

don't

have

a

freaking

BOYFRIEND

yet...

...plus, I've never gone on a date. I would love to try the Western style of dating. You know, get to know each other first, go on a few dates (probably for months), and you won't even need to declare he's your boyfriend, because it will happen naturally. Plus, it's practically normal for a girl to ask a guy out first. In my generation in this country, however, they see things in other way. Okay, not all, but I can still see the stereotype here.. Okay, probably they would start off by getting to know each other first. But after a few weeks or probably just a few days, the guy would declare, or ask her to "couple". In other words, to be his girlfriend.

Just so you know, this kind of trend that I have to live in is really sad. Really, REALLY sad... Because not only the teens these days just ask out whether they want to 'couple' or not, without even going on a single date and not even knowing them well, it's also quite - how do you say this - ASHAMED for girls to ask the guys out, instead of the other way around. Why?? I don't know... It's just too cliched. I mean I thought of a few times whether I want to confess to my crush that I like him, but if this trend is really true then...bummer. Think about how he will think if I confessed my feelings and asked him out. He'd probably feel inferior as his manlihood is being 'challenged' by another gender. Like, honestly, I even heard of my friends said, "It's the guys who should ask/make the first move first."

*sigh* I guess that explains why I'm still single. I want to at least try to make the first move, but this kind of obstacle is really blocking the way. Okay, sure, I don't to ruin my friendship with him and make it seems awkward after i confess, but STILL! I don't wanna be like those single women who either married late or never get married at all even at their 40s. Heck, even my mom kept asking me, "Don't you have a boyfriend at college?" Again, bummer.....

So yeah, that's just my post. Sorry if it seems too messy and disoriented... I mean, I only write just for the sake of vending out my feelings. The modern life is so hard...seriously....

If....

My friends kept talking about the 'Fast Trek' method, ie studying in diploma for 1 and a half years, and another 2 years in degree..and there are some that wants to finish diploma first, then go degree - but study overseas... I was in the latter group, and I kept saying "It's either you want to finish your studies faster, or you study overseas."

There was a UK Education Fair held in Grand Dorsett's Hotel in Subang Jaya today, but it was only like pre-registration. We went there to find more info about UK universities for my sister, who just finished her diploma. Mama told me to just prepare my own documents as well, since she's so psyched up about having a scholarship for me in the future... But a greater light shone down on me in that fair.

So...if ever I choose this road, then I won't be a UiTM student anymore.. And I won't be studying Malaysia anymore, starting from around September. Hm...

PS: Don't jump to conclusions yet!! It's not been confirmed if I have approval or not. Once I got one or not, I'll tell you guys the full details ;)

AVATAR!! (and other stuffs) 8D

AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! It's been such a LONG TIME since I FEEL LIKE THIS!! BEST GILER MOVIE AVATAR TU SIOT! Ok, maybe I'm a bit overreactive, but STILL!! The last time I feel like this was when Lord of the Rings was all the rage (still a loyal fan, tq X3). At first I didn't know the director was the same guy who directed Titanic. Great storyline, great effects, great...everything!! Although there are a few questions about the movie n all, but all in all, it satisfies this fantasy-fanatic mind *HUGE GRIN* (I'm sensing some 'idea-bunnies' in my head for my story. mehehehe~~)

PS: I still can't face him in person... I don't know, there's practically no reason anymore not to even greet him, but I just can't look him in the eye anymore. Oh well, like Abang said, "No matter how nice you are to everyone, they're still gonna talk behind your back." So, MY advice to myself, "Love Allah, family, TRUE frenz, and last but not least...YOURSELF!!" 8D So love yourselves, PEOPLE!! Coz ya ain't goin nowhere if ya don't love yourself.

Over and out...

Someone just searched my name on Google... creepy o_o

PS: I haven't touch my statistics homework, and there'll be a calculus quiz tomorrow...nice ^_^

New housemates, new classmates, new life..

..but that doesn't mean I stopped hanging out with my old housemates ;). So I like said in one of my previous posts, I was sheet-y scared of how my college life's going to be with all the change of roommates, change of class and all that. Turns out though, it ain't so bad as I thought (yes, i know. I should've think positive instead at that time ==__==).

Ehem, anyways...my housemates turn out to be crazy as well (it's a compliment dearies, plz don't take it too hard), but their craziness is different than my old housemates were, how should I say it...more girly? lol coz my old housemates were more brutal and tomboy-ish. Nonetheless, they still make me laugh - DAMN hard! LOL I especially enjoy being in the same house with my classmates - Azi, Ulfah, Hathira, Faezah and Juliana. Crazy things happened to us in the past 2 weeks (flooded bathroom, unattached toilet seat, etc etc), but it was also filled with laughter, especially when we talk about ourselves and the pasts. Hehe, I'm glad I'm in the same house as you guys. 8D

Like I said though, I never forget my old housemates. Although there was a bit conflict and misunderstanding between us, it was already solved yesterday. At first I thought Sha had change into a different person, and I was Goddamn scared for her - but it looks like she's still the same old sweet Sha I recognize. So glad to have you back gurl!! TT^TT Syakira and Syaza r still the same, though I could sense that their house was quieter than last sem...probably cuz every room has one emptied bed, literally. One moved to UiTM Puncak Alam, another plans to enter politeknik, and the last one is moi, but I sometimes fill up that bed from time to time, usually to accompany Syakira when the other two are out. And I guess the saying "The further apart you are, the closer your hearts are" (or something like that) really implies here. I think I've grown closer with my housemates compared to last sem..

Next, my classmates. At first, it was first class, totally, highly, uber AWKWARD!! SERIOUSLY!! We were in our own pack doing our own thing while waiting for the lecturer, and there was barely any communication at all among us!! But thankfully, the gap between us became smaller - slowly but surely - and we started talking to each other like pals. And..hm, I'm not even sure if I should call it 'admire' or 'crush', but someone did caught my attention. Ah well...only time will tell. I'm tired of keeping my hopes up, and I definitely don't want history to repeat itself.

Ahh, and another interesting topic... Last Thursday, most of the former CSD12D-ians went to rock climbing in Shah Alam, along with a few friends from other class. We already planned to go there since last week, so we were excited. However, I might wanna remind those who plan to rock climb - don't wear shoes aka go barefoot. I noticed my friends who did that have climbed up faster than those who wore shoes (and I'm among them, unfortunately --__--), and succeeded in reaching the top. Probably coz we'd have better gripping with our feet and we can even climb our way up even if our feet aren't on the rocks.

After that we had an early dinner in Burger King (which is just a few walks away from the rock climbing place) and celebrated my classmate, Nazmi's birthday. Each of us offered to buy him at least one item of food/beverage, but somehow one of us bought a set instead, so he had TWO sets of meals. To our shock, he succeeded on finishing them, but we chipped in a bit for his sake. lol

Lastly, this morning I went to my first co-curriculum class for this sem, and it was Public Speaking. No, not that Malay one.. The ENGLISH one!! Like FINALLY!! I've longed to enter that course ever since I entered college! I had to start over from scratch though - like, if I have continued the Malay one, I would've been a level higher, whereas for this one I have to start over in level one - but it was worth it. The lecturer is cool too. He graduated last year with a degree in law (I seriously salute him...) and he was in the Malaysian debate team, whom won third place in an international debate competition. (Again, I salute him..)

But, as usual, something happened that made the lecturer disappointed. There was supposed to be around twenty people in that class, but only six of us turned up (and only one guy turned up. you know who you are...). All of us were shocked by the attendance, and the lecturer couldn't continue his lesson because of that (even though it was supposed to be just introduction, but eh...I was hoping we could get on with the lesson).

So yeah..I guess that's about it. Only two weeks and a lot has happened already. Can't wait what the future might bring us ;). To those who took Matriculations, happy holidays! Enjoy it while it lasts!! XD

PS: Mama Papa xde...blk Kedah :(. Thank God my older siblings are here...over and out... Oh, did I mention my 3-weeks old nephew is 5 kg now? 8D

Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned...

"Forgivenesss and tolerance increase the honour and respect of their owners. Be forgiving so that Allah will cherish you"

Prophet Muhammad SAW

...I think I've learned my lesson from that particular saying, especially from the honourable Prophet SAW himself... True, Allah loves those who are forgiving...so I decided to just leave the past behind. I told my brother, Ezhan, my new year's resolution is to forget and ignore that person totally... But I think I'm gonna change that.

I'm gonna forget and forgive his mistakes...but that doesn't mean i forgive him 8D

PS: ni pun sbb i terbaca kat laptop ex-housemate punye wallpaper. kalau x jgn harap la i nak maafkan dia. wakakaka! oh, and the title is an excerpt frm Alicia Keys - Lesson Learned (feat John Mayer). Do listen to that song, it's rly nice and an eye-opening :D

Start of Part 2!

Next week msk blk kolej... Cam cepat sgt je masa berlalu. Huu... Idk, I think i'm sheety scared of this sem coz:

1. I won't be the same house as my previous housemates anymore..juz when I'm starting to get to know them TT_TT. And just when I'm starting to get used to Blok A, the girls have to be moved to Blok B...and I heard it's a damn old building compared to the first..

2. I'll be in the same house with most of my classmates...but I don't know if we're gonna be in the same wavelength. Other girls from different classes will be our housemates as well, and I don't know much...

3. Our beloved class CSD12D (or in short, class D) is no more...we're gonna go to separate classes from now on. Though as far as I know, most of my classmates (including myself) have registered into class A. Then again, we don't know how the original residents of Class A are like...

4. I don't know how our subjects are going to be... It usually gets tougher from one semester to another. Let's do our best *fingers cross*

5. Lecturers... I seriously gonna miss our previous lecturers, especially Pn. Huzaimah TT_TT

6. Scholarship...GAH!!! I haven't even finish half of the essay!!! >__<

Over and out....

college break (Bandung)

I haven't been here for a while, probably coz I didn't know wat I should write here... Hmmmm.. well, since the break starts, I haven't been doing much except going to FB. Yup, I'm practically doing nothing rite now...

Oh, but on 29th November, my family (me, Eli, Ezhan and my parents) went to Bandung for four days...or should I say 3 and a half days. Ezhan already booked the flight a few months ago, but somewhere in between, the airlines suddenly rescheduled our departure. We were supposed to reach Bandung around day, but after the reschedule thing, we reached there at night ---__---|| so much for low-cost flight..

But, going to Bandung was quite worth it. According to mama, Bandung the Asian's 'Paris'...or something like that (wait, or was it my classmate who said that? :S). On our 1st day (the day after we reach Bandung), the factory outlets that we went to were kinda...lame. Idk, probably coz most of them were made in China and all, and none of them really caught our eyes. So after looking around the first batch of factory outlets, we went to Pasar Baru (which is equivalent to Warta in Bangi). There, my mom bought kain like crazy coz, well, there'll be a special occasion next year~~ Hihi. Anyways, the workers of the fabric shop were nice and even gave us one of those Teh Botol. I guess they already expected that we're gonna be there for hours. For the first time in my life, I actually slept on their couch! Heck, I didn't really like going to those shops in the first place, but it was taking my mom SO long!! And my dad and bro just HAD to buy fabrics for their working pants and leisure shirts!! ==__==||

After that, (thank heavens!) our supir (or driver/tourist guide :P) suggested us to go to this Levi's store, so we went...and DANG!!! They were cheap!! Ok, I'm not used to go to Levi's stores here, but Ezhan said that usually Levi's T-shirts in Malaysia cost like RM80 the cheapest. There though, it costs about RM30+... so it was our first splurge. (I bought 2 shirts! yay~)

On the 2nd day, we went to one of the volcanoes, Gunung Tangkuban Perahu (in Malay, it means 'perahu terbalik'. If u look carefully, it does looks like an upside down boat). We went to the office there where the guide told us about the history of the volcano (such as when it exploded, the difference between the cold water and hot water of the volcano and lots more...). After that, the guide recommended us to go down to see one of the volcano's craters, called Kawah Domas (or Domas Crater). It costs about 250,000 rupiah per guide to go see the crater, and 1 guide can only lead 5 people max. My dad suggested that we, the siblings go down to the kawah.

At first I didn't wanna go, coz I knew it'd be a long journey. But wat da heck, I probably won't come back to Bandung after this. Though, Eli and I only wore sandals, coz we didn't think we were gonna go jungle-trekking and all, but we went anyways. Along the way, Eli slipped a bit and almost twisted her ankle (I'm telling you, the road was quite steep and slippery. Thank God they did stair-like roads..), but the guide was kind enough to massage her feet so she won't feel much pain after that. The guide seemed really experienced and has worked there for 20 years. His nephew, a peddler came along to help him (I think) and was kind with us too. Even when we reached the crater, they gave us a somewhat brief reflexology together with the clay mud. Yes, clay, the one that we girls use to wear clay masks.

So after relaxing with our feets in the hot water from the geyser. Eli bought the filtered clay in a bottle and we set off to leave the crater. The guide told us the story behind the name of the volcano...but it was too long so I didn't remember much. What I do remember is that a boy, who lost his memory about his mother, wanted to marry this beautiful woman. The woman however, turned out to be the boy's mother. The boy refused to believe that she was his mother because she looked so young and beautiful, and forced her to marry him. The ending was somewhat weird though.. after the woman disappeared into a mountain, the boy threw the boat that he made furiously into the air, and landed on top of his head. Well, I guess u know what happened to the boy after that... Hence, the name 'Tangkuban Perahu'.

At the end of the journey, the nephew took out the stuffs that he wants to sell to us ie. keychains, bracelets, tasbihs etc. I didn't buy anything at all from him, but my siblings bought the keychains and bracelet. It was the price of the keychains that surprised my brother. He thought it was just 400 rupiah because the peddler told him "4 ratus". But it turns out to be 400,000 rupiah, which is almost equivalent to RM100+.. So on the journey back to the city mama gave us a lecture (or to be precise, "sound" us) about buying those stuffs and all... So yeah, we learn our lesson.

After that, we continued our shopping journey and finally came to some decent factory outlets. Eli and my parents bought some shoes, but Ezhan and I still couldn't found the shoes we want (and with the limited sizes they could offer, it was especially hard for me to find decent ones...). Only at that night I bought a pair at Matahari (it's like their own Parkson). I admit that it wasn't all fancy-wansy, but at least I could wear that to my lecture. Ooh, and I bought a nice top that only costs me 30,000 rupiah, equivalent to RM10 X3 (it was 70% offer btw).

Then on the third day, we didn't really have time to look around more, so we just went to one Busana factory outlet and The Secret, which is by far the most decent and fancy factory outlet I've seen. At the Busana, we bought Zahira a tudung~~ XDD And Mama bought a few more tudung for other people back at home (probably her sisters). Then at around 2.30 pm, we went to the airport for our check-ins and stuffs.

So yeah, that's about it about Bandung. Oh, by the way, if you guys ever go to Bandung, don't forget to try their Baso (aka meatballs). It's sooo good (especially with noodles and soup)!! X3 There was one time though, I ate this one called Baso Granit. When I saw the dish, I thought it was ok. But when I cut the Baso, there were freaking sambal in there, which was still ok though. But after a while of eating it....dang, my tummy's probably gonna explode. IT WAS GOD-DAMN SPICY AND HOT!!!!! Another lesson learned: Granit = BOMB!! @_@||

gotta move on already...

Well...as you all can see, I've deleted my previous post. When I read it again, I feel like my heart is breaking again, and somewhat stupid. So deleting it is the only way to ease my mind... And it did. I need to move on and get myself back into shape. (gambatte, michiyo!! er, or should it be sayuri? :S )

Meh, anyways, it seems that I'm really outdated with the k-pop world. So when I look into allkpop.com...I was shocked to see that there are more boy bands and girl bands debuting ==__==||. I knew Rain was gonna release his first boy band, MBLAQ (perhaps the hottest boyband I've ever seen *drool*), but I never thought that there'll be THAT many groups debuting, ie BEAST, SECRET, f(x), etc.

Jeez, people, enough is enough. I already have problems in keeping up with my current fav artists and I definitely don't need additional ones..

...I should be concentrating on my assignment and studies ---_____---||. Well, over and out!

Something all of us can relate to...

This is dedicated to all teenagers, be it secondary, college or university students.. Let's all go through it together..